1. Be optimally self-aware of how your leadership style may be affecting the situation. Consider the case of an angry senior associate who felt that his career had stalled. He grew increasingly resentful as time passed and others were promoted ahead of him. The CEO (who never met a conflict he wouldn’t avoid) refused to speak with him about the issue, which made matters considerably worse. The CEO didn’t recognize how his conflict-avoidant style was exacerbating the situation.
2. Think twice about using e-mail to communicate with the person. It’s true that e-mail can be more convenient, but e-mail is black and white whereas human interactions involve all shades of grey. No matter how well you write, it will be prone to misinterpretation particularly if tension already exists between the two of you. Stop and ask yourself honestly, “why am I communicating via e-mail instead of in-person?” If your answer involves your comfort level (or more specifically, the lack thereof) chances are that unless and until you address whatever internal reservations you have, your communication (whatever form it takes) will be less than helpful.
3. If the two of you have established a plan to alleviate the problem, be patient. It no doubt took the other person decades to become who they are. Substantive, sustainable behavior change isn’t going to take place in a matter of weeks. To put it into perspective, consider that a typical sales cycle can take 6 months or more. A decision-to-buy is a simple matter compared to changing complex behavior.
4. Don’t pin your hopes on training. You can train for certain skills but you can’t train people to change, particularly when it comes to complex interpersonal matters that are better addressed through coaching. Corporate America spends billions a year on training. Unadorned, it’s nothing more than pouring very good information into the trainee’s head. Poured information doesn’t amount to much. Real change begins inside, starting with self-awareness. By analogy, you can probably do an acceptable job of combing your hair while staring out the window, but you'll get better results if you look into a mirror.
