Can Fear of Success be as limiting as Fear of Failure?

I recently had coffee with a friend who owns an appliance repair business.  He’s not in a position to invest in executive coaching for himself but he asked if I might help him with a concern.  His is a one-man shop, and he was feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks and responsibilities associated with running the business.  He truly gets a kick out of repairing appliances, but he acknowledged that he was neglecting new business development.  He said to me, “Larry, there are days when I can’t even bring myself to turn on the computer or make a marketing call.”  As a psychologist, I wondered if he might be depressed.  As we talked further I determined that this wasn’t the case, but he was clearly struggling with a complicated inner dilemma.  

As we discussed his situation, it became apparent that his greatest fear was that he might succeed!  He voiced concern that if he actually followed-through on his networking and marketing plans, he might eventually wind up with more customers than he could accommodate.  As much as he wanted to grow, he was firmly convinced that any expansion of his capacity would result in diminished customer satisfaction.  He explained that providing outstanding service and going the extra mile for his customers was a core value and he couldn’t conceive of anything less.  The thought of a customer being the least bit disappointed was absolutely unacceptable for him.  His service ethic is well intentioned and something worth aspiring to, but he appears to have adopted it so rigidly that it prevents him from taking the steps necessary to ensure that his business will prosper.

I said to him, “the fact is no matter how much effort you expend trying to delight each and every customer, occasionally you will fall short of that goal.  You’re human, your customers are human, and the world is not perfect.  It’s counterproductive to risk the long-term viability of your business in the pursuit of an idealized vision of customer service.” 

He swallowed hard, and in a quiet voice he said, “if my work isn’t perfect, it doesn’t just make me look bad.  To me, it means that I am bad.”   This wasn’t the time or place to delve into the psychological origins of his distorted belief, so I opted for a more surface-level response.  I observed, “it sounds like you’ve over-used a strength to the point that it may be working against you.  Your personal commitment to outstanding work is a strength, but when that commitment is taken to an extreme it can cause you to feel like a personal failure if something – even something outside of your control – goes awry.”  I asked him to think about other small businesses he patronized.   Were they perfect in every respect?   “Not by a long shot” he replied.  Does that mean that their owners are bad?  “Of course not” he said, as a more relaxed smile came to his face. 

As we got up to leave I commented that he had left half of his coffee unfinished.  He shrugged and said, “once in awhile it’s just so-so, but usually they do a great job so that’s why I like coming here.”  I’ll remind him of that the next time we meet.

Is there an Unspoken Truth about Executive Coaching?

I was with a group of HR professionals the other evening when the topic turned to Executive Coaching.  One kind gentleman asked me, “isn’t it true that Executive Coaching is typically used by companies as a last step to cover themselves before they fire someone?”  I can see how some might feel that way.  However in my experience the vast majority of businesses will not spend time and money on Executive Coaching unless they truly value the candidate and/or they believe that he or she can benefit from the process.   I noted that in many cases it is important for the firm to be clear and candid about the specific behavioral shifts the candidate must accomplish if he/she expects to enjoy a long and successful career at the company.  Such clarity is important because it helps all parties (candidate, coach, and the company) develop a shared understanding of what direction the coaching project should take.   But it doesn’t necessarily mean that the company is ready to terminate the individual if the coaching goals are not attained.   I’ve even seen instances where the person made only modest progress during the coaching engagement, but then continued to consolidate their gains the following year – resulting in a promotion rather than a termination.  This leads me to another question one of the HR professionals asked me that evening:  “What can we in HR do to help the coaching process?”  I replied, “remind people to be patient.”  I explained that behavior change is a long, difficult process that is rarely linear.   Coaching candidates typically take two steps forward and one step back.  All too often the backward slide is immediately pounced upon as proof that the person cannot change and that the process is bound to fail.  HR professionals can help reinforce the message that the growth trajectory is neither a straight line nor a short one.