Can Fear of Success be as limiting as Fear of Failure?

I recently had coffee with a friend who owns an appliance repair business.  He’s not in a position to invest in executive coaching for himself but he asked if I might help him with a concern.  His is a one-man shop, and he was feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks and responsibilities associated with running the business.  He truly gets a kick out of repairing appliances, but he acknowledged that he was neglecting new business development.  He said to me, “Larry, there are days when I can’t even bring myself to turn on the computer or make a marketing call.”  As a psychologist, I wondered if he might be depressed.  As we talked further I determined that this wasn’t the case, but he was clearly struggling with a complicated inner dilemma.  

As we discussed his situation, it became apparent that his greatest fear was that he might succeed!  He voiced concern that if he actually followed-through on his networking and marketing plans, he might eventually wind up with more customers than he could accommodate.  As much as he wanted to grow, he was firmly convinced that any expansion of his capacity would result in diminished customer satisfaction.  He explained that providing outstanding service and going the extra mile for his customers was a core value and he couldn’t conceive of anything less.  The thought of a customer being the least bit disappointed was absolutely unacceptable for him.  His service ethic is well intentioned and something worth aspiring to, but he appears to have adopted it so rigidly that it prevents him from taking the steps necessary to ensure that his business will prosper.

I said to him, “the fact is no matter how much effort you expend trying to delight each and every customer, occasionally you will fall short of that goal.  You’re human, your customers are human, and the world is not perfect.  It’s counterproductive to risk the long-term viability of your business in the pursuit of an idealized vision of customer service.” 

He swallowed hard, and in a quiet voice he said, “if my work isn’t perfect, it doesn’t just make me look bad.  To me, it means that I am bad.”   This wasn’t the time or place to delve into the psychological origins of his distorted belief, so I opted for a more surface-level response.  I observed, “it sounds like you’ve over-used a strength to the point that it may be working against you.  Your personal commitment to outstanding work is a strength, but when that commitment is taken to an extreme it can cause you to feel like a personal failure if something – even something outside of your control – goes awry.”  I asked him to think about other small businesses he patronized.   Were they perfect in every respect?   “Not by a long shot” he replied.  Does that mean that their owners are bad?  “Of course not” he said, as a more relaxed smile came to his face. 

As we got up to leave I commented that he had left half of his coffee unfinished.  He shrugged and said, “once in awhile it’s just so-so, but usually they do a great job so that’s why I like coming here.”  I’ll remind him of that the next time we meet.